 Name: Burton
Age: 16 - 19
Nationality: Korean Chinese
D.O.B: July 18th, 1988
Zodiac: Cancer, Dragon
Area: North Shore Line, Chatswood
School: Chatswood High School
Sex : Male
Marital Status: Single
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Wednesday
Nothing much to really update, haven't been on for a while, things have changed lately and i'm just relaxing and having fun i guess, haven't been going out much but just staying local has been pretty fun, sometimes i find life so not worth living, but then again pulled myself through.
Waking up everyday to not really do much but to think about studying and trying to find a job, just simply to get my life on track, not an easy job but trying, haven't had much dramas, but just hoping things would turn out for me and my partner i guess...
we have difficult times, but i don't think were gonna break that easily, least i hope that things would turn out...
Posted at Wednesday, March 30, 2005 by Enkei
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Tuesday
Hello everyone and thanks for visiting my blog for all this time, as i have counted i'm about to reach about 100 entries, wow! ^^ but anyways just wanted to say thanks to everyone that ever visited and actually found some entries useful to them.
But i will stop making entries once i've reached a 100, i will make the countdown all useful text to everyone, and i hope everyone will always remember they could always turn to me for anything that they have problems with.
I will always be here to help and hope everyone would take care and hold onto their relationships ^^ and have a happy time with their partner and friends till the end of this year, take care everyone and stay out of trouble.
Your Friend Now And Then~
Burton
Posted at Tuesday, March 29, 2005 by Enkei
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Monday
...The blood i shed will be my tears of sorrow...
...Because the tears within will never show...
...My pain and lust will just be redepemtion...
...For my depression may never resolve...
...I've lost you dear...
...But do not fear...
...Because you would always be here...
...Within my heart and soul...
...The memories we share...
...Will never leave us despair...
...What we had was true...
...And there will never be another...
...Because your voice in vain...
Will always mark the pain you had for me...
The pain and fear of losing me...
...You needed me...
...I needed you...
...We had disputes...
...We gave hugs...
...Our feelings were clear...
...But at the end we couldn't breakthrough...
...But till this very day...
...We all know that you were once mine...
...I was yours...
...Till the very day i die...
...This i swear and promise...
...I will never forget who you were...
...And what you did for me...
...Your always here...
Posted at Monday, March 28, 2005 by Enkei
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Sunday
...End Of Winter...
...Neon Lights Are Bright...
...Skys Are Pale...
...Only Fools Argue...
...Falling Leaves Are Risks Of Trees...
...Feelings Are Occasional Incidents...
...An Alternative Cure For Insomnia...
...Are You Satisfied With Your Love...
...And New Discoveries...
...An Experiment In Tenderness...
...Body language Of Love...
...Working Hard At Love...
...Unrelated To Happiness...
...Careful...
...The Distance From Love To Unlove...
...Is Short...
...Lovers Who Swallow Loneliness...
...Try Hard To Understand...
...But Seldom Suceeding...
...Those Whose Dreams Come True...
...Make Others Jealous...
...It's Easy To Hurt...
...The One You love...
...Fatigue...
...Letting Go...
...It's Not Worth It...
...p.s. Learn To Take But Also Learn To Give...
Posted at Sunday, March 27, 2005 by Enkei
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Saturday
Anyone ever have the feeling of missing someone? asking yourself if it was wrong to miss that person or confess to the person you miss them? feeling empty and lonely knowing that you and your partner have seperated, a missing piece to a puzzle, a little incomplete...?
Sitting their just thinking to yourself wether it was wrong or not, or even just thinking it was wrong and sticking to it, and you feel deep inside that you need the person or that you just want to hold onto them even though their not in front of you, a feeling that curls you up inside, making you long for a cure, wanting to express yourself...
Hoping that your voice can be heard, your feelings can be seen, and your affection can be felt, the feeling and thoughts grow stronger and stronger in a short period of time as you keep thinking about it, even just to hear the persons voice would soothe your stress or even just hearing about their good wellbeing would loosen the weight that you carry for them on your shoulders of burden and worries.
People feel that and everyone feels that, i can tell you one thing for sure is, missing someone is not a crime or a sin nor is it bad, "a piece of paper can never conceal a flame", no matter how it is you try to deceive yourself, forget about it and lie to yourself hoping that you would be able to overcome the thought of longing for their attention or simply their presence within your arms.
Missing someone is a feeling, feelings can't be hidden, you can miss someone and hide it, but in time it will show, feelings can be easily spotted, by the way one acts, talks, behaves and emotions that they portray... already betrays them, showing their friends or even the people around them what's wrong.
If you ever miss someone don't be afraid to tell them, it's something for them to know and they have the right to know if they hope for an answer, because they might tell you how they feel as well, and better or not you may find that you and your partner feel the same bout each other, even if not it doesn't matter because you have just relieved yourself.
We all miss someone, and i do too right now... but i don't need to say anything to the person, because i believe she knows...
Posted at Saturday, March 26, 2005 by Enkei
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Friday
For those people that haven't seen or talked to me for ages, you can find your latest update about me here!, if you want to ask about how i am, dun call me please cause i don't really wanna talk, in other words i don't wanna socialise or communicate with anyone, i'm sorry but i can't be a listener today, which means your lil jester Lil B ME! can't do anytin forh ne1 naoz, so you can say i'm "out of order".
how i've been, well simply we will just make it "how i feel?" how's that sound? well i'll tell you now, abandoned, betrayed, depressed, cut, stressed, confused, alone, cold, weak and tired, want me to simplify? well it's easy Burton is "EMOTIONALLY FUCKED!!", i haven't felt this bad for so long that i don't even remember how i cheered myself up again the last time something like this happened...
can anyone actually know what i'm thinking and share my thoughts with me, can everyone stop assumind and understanding the things i say in the wrong way and actually read it properly or hear my boice amongst your great cheering crowd, that i'm screaming for help?! NO! because my voice can never be heard i can never be noticed, because i'm meant to be the emotionally strong and tough one that everyone wants to be like when they find them at emotional disadvantages...
well you know what everyone? i actually always felt alone, nigelated and abandoned all my life, that's why i'm strong like you people say, well now i'm breaking down, and i don't need any help from anyone~ yerh sounds slack huh? well i've done it myself in the past and i can do it again, from now and onwards... but now i'm cold... because i feel the way i feel...
at times like this who were the ones here? Chicken and Baby Chris, and what we do? talk about the past and catch up as brothers, but it still doesn't get my mind off you, cause i always thought you would actually understand or know well enough to actually realise how much you meant to me, i have never been so depressed and sick in ages that my tummy feelz awkward, that i have lost my appetite, just wanna lock myself in my little individual circle and not share or care anymore about anyone or anything but you...
sometimes i wish everyone could just have what they want and be satisfied with what they have and not look for other things, be like me! i did that and at the end i still had to let go, and it really hurts if you never knew, if everyone just actually knew how to cherish what they have, they don't have to feel sick like i do...
beacause i never shared my emotional problems, because i always thought that no one would realli care or understand, i was the listener, because i realised that other people needed a "someone" otherwise their gonna feel like i do now and before, i kept too much inside me for all these years that i just can't say it but spew it in a toilet bowl, is that the proper way to release words and emotions that were locked inside him all this time that hurted and at the end caused him to break down?
i don't think so... i can't sleep, i'm tired, hungry, weak... and guess what? i'm the one that made all this happen to myself, i'm the one that was ignorant and pathetic, physical and emotional self inflicted damage, do you FUCKERS that wanna be like me still wanna BE like ME?? DO YOU?
i can't turn to anyone cause everyone that says they understand at the end just doesn't understand! because people can never think outside the box, but just take in what they have heard or been told, showed or viewed just for GRANTED!!! If everyone just actually looked outside the box for that one sec, you would understand so much more and not be stuck at a point that everyone is when they advance to that "phase"...
why does my words that are published on this site, comforting, makes you understand, makes you smile makes everyone that visit that are depressed, get their answer at the end and walk of from this screen and smile? not just cause of experience, but also because you have to learn to pull yourself together, ON your OWN, and actually learn to see things outside the box and inside the box, understand both concepts and scenarios and actually work things out for yourself...
but no, because people can never learn easily on their own these days~ that's why they need a listener, and that's what i'm here for...
now i'm the one that's in your shoes, ten times worse, and i don't want to turn to anyone, why? because no one can understand exactly how i am, and why am i so sure even when i don't need to try to turn to anyone, because the thing is i DON'T even KNOW MYSELF!!!!!
(><)
why do things always fuck up for me, why am i the one that the fat faggot in a red suit known as Santa always leaves me out? why is it the one stuck on a fucking cross the one that has to make my life so hard to understand that i don't even FUCKING understand myself?
when you realise that someone meant the world to you, or maybe if they were priceless to you, and you just let them slip without trying to hold on, you will be fucked, and you will turn to me, and i will be here, and i will tell you why, cause i'll be your listener, and your councilor...
but for now... i need a break... some time off...
Lil B
Posted at Friday, March 25, 2005 by Enkei
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Thursday
(Ooh, ooh, sweet love, yeah)
I didn't mean it
When I said I didn't love you, so
I should have held on tight
I never shoulda let you go
I didn't know nothing
I was stupid, I was foolish
I was lying to myself
I could not fathom that I would ever
Be without your love
Never imagined I'd be
Sitting here beside myself
Cause I didn't know you
Cause I didn't know me
But I thought I knew everything
I never felt
The feeling that I'm feeling
Now that I don't hear your voice
Or have your touch and kiss your lips
Cause I don't have a choice
Oh, what I wouldn't give
To have you lying by my side
Right here, cause baby
(We belong together)
[chorus]
When you left I lost a part of me
It's still so hard to believe
Come back baby, please
Cause we belong together
Who else am I gon' lean on
When times get rough
Who's gonna talk to me on the phone
Till the sun comes up
Who's gonna take your place
There ain't nobody better
Oh, baby baby, we belong together
I can't sleep at night
When you are on my mind
Bobby Womack's on the radio
Saying to me
"If you think you're lonely now"
Wait a minute
This is too deep (too deep)
I gotta change the station
So I turn the dial
Trying to catch a break
And then I hear Babyface
"I only think of you"
And it's breaking my heart
I'm trying to keep it together
But I'm falling apart
I'm feeling all out of my element
I'm throwing things, crying
Trying to figure out
Where the hell I went wrong
The pain reflected in this song
It ain't even half of what
I'm feeling inside
I need you
Need you back in my life, baby
[chorus]
When you left I lost a part of me
It's still so hard to believe
Come back baby, please
Cause we belong together
Who else am I gon' lean on
When times get rough
Who's gonna talk to me on the phone
Till the sun comes up
Who's gonna take your place
There ain't nobody better
Oh, baby baby, we belong together, baby
[chorus]
When you left I lost a part of me
It's still so hard to believe
Come back baby, please
Cause we belong together
Who am I gonna lean on
When times get rough
Who's gonna talk to me
Till the sun comes up
Who's gonna take your place
There ain't nobody better
Oh baby, baby
We belong together
Posted at Thursday, March 24, 2005 by Enkei
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Wednesday
All I am, all I'll be
Everything in this world
All that I'll ever need
Is in your eyes
Shining at me
When you smile I can feel
All my passion unfolding
Your hand brushes mine
And a thousand sensations
Seduce me 'cause I
Chorus
I do cherish you
For the rest of my life
You don't have to think twice
I will love you still
>From the depths of my soul
It's beyond my control
I've waited so long to say this to you
If you're asking do I love you this much
I do
In my world, before you
I lived outside my emotions
Didn't know where I was going
'Till that day I found you
How you opened my life
To a new paradise
In a world torn by change
Still with all my heart
'Till my dying day
Posted at Wednesday, March 23, 2005 by Enkei
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Tuesday
(Mariah)
I would give up everything
Before I'd separate myself from you
After so much suffering
I've finally found a man that's true
I was all by myself for the longest time
So cold inside
And the hurt from the heart it would not subside
I felt like dying
Until you saved my life
(Chorus - all)
Thank God I found you
I was lost without you
My every wish and every dream
Somehow became reality
When you brought the sunlight
Completed my whole life
I'm overwhelmed with gratitude
Cause baby I'm so thankful
I found you
(Joe)
I would give you everything
There's nothing in this world I wouldn't do
To ensure your happiness
I'll cherish every part of you
Because without you beside me I can't survive
I don't wanna try
If you're keeping me warm each and every night
I'll be all right
Cause I need you in my life
(Chorus - all)
Thank God I found you (I'm begging you)
I was lost without you (so lost without you)
My every wish and every dream (every dream, every dream)
Somehow became reality
When you brought the sunlight (brought the sunlight)
Completed my whole life
I'm overwhelmed with gratitude
Cause baby I'm so thankful
I found you
-Bridge- (Mariah & Joe)
See I was so desolate
Before you came to me
Looking back I guess it shows
that we were destined to shine
After the rain to appreciate
And care for what we have
And I'd go through it all over again
To be able to feel this way
(Chorus - all)
Thank God I found you
I was lost without you (lost without you baby)
My every wish and every dream
Somehow became reality
When you brought the sunlight
Completed my whole life (whole life)
I'm overwhelmed with gratitude
Sweet baby I'm so thankful
I found you
(Chorus - all)
Thank God I found you
I was lost without you
I'm overwhelmed with gratitude
My baby I'm so thankful
I found you
(Mariah)
I'm overwhelmed with gratitude
My baby I'm so thankful I found you
Posted at Tuesday, March 22, 2005 by Enkei
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Monday
Does anyone ever hate being accused but still stays around to take it or tolerate the behaviour that your partner or the accuser portrays and hopefully they would understand you don't mind being humiliated or that you don't have anything to hide?
sometimes people have to do that because some people don't understand, but doesn't it hurt to know that rumours spread like a plague and actually affects other peoples way of portraying your image? doesn't it annoy you and sooner or later get to you, that you just wanna shut up avoid saying the wrong thing?
sometimes i'm sure everyone that picks up their phone does not want to hear about the latest gossip or being called up or seen just to be talked or asked about anything to the specific incident, people are so childish even to the age of 20 - 25 people we call adults huh?
i mean this little game of chinese whispers has been so old no one wants to play no more, and those people are the mature ones, i mean some people have to pass messages because their little bitches and don't have the balls to stand up or ask you or confront you with their curiousity.
having to listen to other people and make judgements on the individual is the most unfair thing you can ever do to a human being, i mean if others don't ever treat you like that when you ever fucked up don't you people reckon you shouldn't treat them any different? i mean all you fuckers out there like to gossip so much and make changes how bout you all go be politics and make changes to the world or the government and do good for the wellbeing of our society and stop being little bitches and passing words to each other just to be sucking up and making more friends.
people please grow up and understand already, i mean for christ sakes stop acting like little kids, i mean i don't mind getting humiliated, i don't mind getting hurt or killed for crying out loud i just can't stand seeing my friends having go through the same shit, i mean i might be able to take it and look away and be more easy going but some people can't and i think people that gossip or accuse should understand and realise what their doing is actually impacting a very large hole in someones dignity.
if you don't want to be treated like the way you would one day, don't treat people the way you treat them now.
Burton
p.s. it's never cool to be with the big group... think of others and listen to your conscience
Posted at Monday, March 21, 2005 by Enkei
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